Ok so I haven’t written in a while... I really wanted to get back to talking more about “The Happiness Project” but some interesting things have happened today. In fact up to this very minute in time that draw my attention elsewhere… I was starting to wonder if my blogging and talking about my frustrations was only adding to them instead of somehow in a way ‘coping’ with them. I am still wondering that in fact. Am I only exacerbating the problem by adding angry energy to it? Maybe on the one hand but on the other I am left to ask, “How do I get this angry energy out of me and how do I work through it?” Does getting together with my friends and complaining about our husbands solve anything or does it only make matters worse???? I still have no answer but the bottom-line is that at the end of the day, at the end of my complaining… I FEEL BETTER….ME… I start to feel somehow validated and somehow BETTER. It is some kind of tool with which I get at least some need met. Which brings me to my title for this blog, “The Tool.” This tool is both very very literal and somewhat metaphorical.
Men always get their needs met. Men will not stand for one second if something is not the way that they envisioned it or wanted it to be and they will either make the necessary changes or insist that YOU make the changes. For example my husband …in an earlier blog I mentioned that he “insisted I not fix chicken any more” This is the kind of thing I am talking about. If they want to watch a sport then they will, eat steak then they will, go fishing then they will….. You name it and they will make sure it gets done and done how they want it done. Their needs met. I haven’t eaten mushrooms on my food in like nearly a decade because my husband does not like them. Did I stop liking them? No, I just stopped eating them because he doesn’t like them. I love singing at the top of my lungs. My music, the kind I like, yet I haven’t done that in a long long time because we have different taste in music. He hates what I like. Did my tastes change? No, I just shelved them because he complained if he had to listen to my music even for one minute. They even cum first… and sometimes they are the only ones who do. Do they feel even remotely bad that they are finished and you are not? NOPE. They get their needs met. The Tool… I am left to wonder if it has something to do with the Tool? I am of course at this point in time referring to the penis. There it is protruding from their bodies, even limp it still seems to have presence, to hang in a proud manner. Hard it really commands attention. It sticks out away from their bodies like a sword. And yes, go ahead and laugh because I am. At this point I am imagining a man with his hips thrust forward, hands on hips and penis armed. Almost getting ready to take on the world with his Tool… is that the main difference? Imagine us now… there we are with a hole… ours hidden inside and black and dark and almost afraid seeming, cowering. Not at all like the protruding meat sword ready to stab at it’s enemy.. Ok so I’m out there on this one, try to stay with me. Think for a minute about it. Is that penis the source of all their force? The source of their ability to get what they want in life. They are out there and pushing forward commanding attention and getting their needs met while and we are back here hiding and changing and morphing to fit them all the while our needs being over looked and shelved. We are losing ourselves.
I sometimes joke that there is no more Leslie. That Leslie died a long long time ago and that her dead and decomposing corpse is on the kitchen floor drawing flies and stinking up the place and you all just keep stepping over her. HA ha ha.. but really a more appropriate way to put it is that Leslie is hibernating. Have I crawled inside my own hole and am lying dormant? Have most of us done this? As women aren’t we sort of trained from birth to be the flexible ones, to go with the flow, to bend to the will, not to rock the boat? We are ingrained with this idea that our needs are secondary at best to those of our kids, and our husbands, bosses, mothers, fathers, etc.. the list goes on…
Just a quick for example.. Put yourself in this scenario. I am using this because it fits my life but I think it is most likely fairly universal. We all need to leave the house. We are going to dinner and the kids to a sitter. We have to bring a gift to the dinner. Let’s say there are three kids, a wife and a husband on their way to a birthday party of a friend of the husbands. To make it more interesting let’s say that the wife doesn’t even like the guy. Now that you are there in your head what is the husband doing? See it clearly… What is the wife doing? What are the kids’ doing? The husband is taking a shower. He is taking his time so he looks nice. He is getting out of the shower expecting that his wife will have picked out something appropriate for him to wear. He is putting it on. He is checking himself in the mirror. He is ready to go and heading to the door. His head is on the route they will drive to get there and what kind of food they will be serving as he is starving. Now the wife… She showered earlier as to leave her husband enough time to get ready. She is now running around trying to pack and overnight bag for three kids with every little creature comfort they might need. The blankies, the stuffed animals, sippy cups. Is there enough wipes in the bag? What if one of the kids gets cold? She is running around finding her shoes and throwing an outfit for her husband on the bed. She is getting him some clean socks that match from the dryer. She is thinking about whether or not the gift she got will be ok? She doesn’t even like the guy but is thinking about if his gift is acceptable. She is getting a diaper bag ready. Now she is finally able to look in the mirror at herself and shrug because even if she doesn’t look great there is just no more time to worry about it. The man did exactly what he needed to do to get himself ready to go. TO GET ONLY HIMSELF READY TO GO. The woman not only got herself ready but her husband, and three kids. She also packed a bag, and bought a thoughtful gift for his schmuck friend. She was the last on her totem pole and when there wasn’t really even enough time left for her, she just shrugged it off and moved on. This is how we live day to day, week to week, year to year. Even if you are married to the sweetest, most thoughtful helpful man in the universe he still puts himself first. Why do we not do this and does it all stem back to the stem? Really does having a penis make you more assertive? I’m tired and I have way more to say about this but I need time to mull it over. I keep thinking about getting a strap on just to see if it makes me feel different. I don’t even want one for any sexual purpose… I just want to know if somehow having it out there and pushing back at the world makes me feel somehow more empowered. Does having the right Tool for the job really make all the difference?