Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Ahhhh I'm back...

I have been gone for quite some time...busy with kids and just contemplating. I love to write. It makes me feel......something, something resembling happiness. It makes me feel a little bit of greatness also. I need to feel greatness right now. I was re-reading my post and man I am ANGRY. I was sitting with a friend today and that was the topic of our conversation. Why am I a middle aged white woman with middle income and middle life so hugely PISSED? Well, clearly all the things I have outlined in my prior posts will explain the anger issue but who doesn't have problems right? I think through some serious thought today that the reason I find that I am most angry is that I am denying my own self HAPPINESS. I have no time for it I have no room on my schedule for it and frankly if you asked me today what would make me happy I don't even think I could come up with an answer for you. THAT IS PATHETIC. And also as a side note no ones fault by MINE. So today, here and now I vow to get HAPPY. Search for it , find it, and smother it with affection. I'm going to get happy if it kills me. I have been spending so much of my time and jeez like the past 10 years making others happy and not leaving anything for me. So little by little I will conquer happiness. Funny that I would word it as if it's a war... and well it is in my opinion. A war on sadness, mundanaity, anger, aggression. A fight to the death for my own happiness and funny that the only enemy I have is myself. So look out self and prepare for the ass kicking of a lifetime. Happiness is on it's way... I think I might feel it creeping up a bit now... see you soon.