Monday, April 22, 2013

To my Fellow Cast Members.... and anyone else who is listening.



Like pulling teeth- I wanted to write the past two days. Felt like I needed to. But, somehow, at the same time, I’ve been avoiding it. Felt like I was afraid of what might come rushing out. Afraid of what I know is inside me and what I feel may have been “tapped” in the last few days. So many stories, so much information, so much pain, so much- so much pain, so much gratitude, and so much love. 

I have, as you well know by now, been chosen to speak at Listen to Your Mother. Sunday was our first "read through." It was beyond words.  

Henri Miller once wrote- “Writing, like life itself, is a voyage of discovery. The adventure is a metaphysical one: it is a way of approaching life indirectly, of acquiring a total rather than a partial view of the universe. The writer lives between the upper and lower worlds: he takes the path in order eventually to become that path himself.”


That is how I feel about this journey. Like I am discovering myself in each and every line I write and even in each line I hear read through these lovely women’s voices. I can not explain to anyone what this is. What this “show” is. It’s beyond description. It’s beauty can not be contained by words. When a wordy girl like me says words will not do! YOU BETTER LISTEN. 

Now I need to write to each of you. To each of you my fellow cast members.  I have a special things to say. I NEED to say these things. I MUST say them.  

Erin, of your story. I was struck by your love and your respect for your mother. I was moved to tears when you described her. Thank you for allowing me in. Thank you for being the definition of Grace.

Lisa, of your story. My GOD! We are sisters of the soul. You may just as well have been telling my story. I truly related to you. You bared yourself and took me from crying with you on the ground to standing up and standing strong to say “fuck you!” I loved it. 

Michelle, of your story. I related to so much. I can’t explain without giving away to much. But you were to me, like a little girl there on “stage” just asking to be put first over all else. I loved that. I loved FEELING you. Not just hearing your words but really feeling like I wanted to hold you. 

Dani, of your story. I was on the edge of my seat. How would it end and a lump in my throat. Thinking in my head the whole time; How is she this calm? Could I stand or would I collapse under the weight of what you’d gone through. Brilliant writing.

Rita, of your story. Happy and sad. As it was meant. Making me think about my life and where I am and more importantly where I am headed. Making me think of the lives of women I have loved who have already gone and wondering if they’d felt they’d done enough with their time. Warm and loving as it was meant.  

Laura, of your story. Made me smile so much. The universe is always teaching me new things, and I truly believe it brought you and I together. I know that I will know you until the day I die and I can’t wait to have you on my journey. 

Ashley, of your story. Your’s may have been the hardest for me to hear. Brought up for me things I’m not even ready to talk about STILL. Someday soon I will share with you things about my little Finn. He’s the baby ( 4 now), my love for him now makes it so hard for me to talk about the days after he was born. So thank you so much for your story. 

Greta, of your story. You are so strong. I have hugged my husband a thousand times since yesterday. I’ve told him how much I appreciate him. I’ve told him how much I admire him as a father. I have been so grateful for his love. I thank you for giving me that reminder. 

Molly, of your story. I had no clue where you were headed when you started. Where it ended was so beautiful, so transformational, that I was in awe. And man don’t we all need the reminders to be grateful. Don’t we need to be reminded of the miraculousness of the world we live in everyday and how very little “coincidence” is in this life. 

Jen, of your story. You rock. You are so funny and so cool. You made me laugh and even today I had several moments of uncontrollable giggling at the thought of the “victims” in your story. Thanks for making me laugh. Thanks for giving me something to live up to! 

Sarah, of your story. My children are my life. They are not perfect by any means but they are perfect for me. I feel exactly about them as you described. I cried so hard to hear your words because I wondered if they really understand that, that’s the way I love them. Someday they will I suppose. 

Julie, of your story. While so uplifting-I am so not there yet! Jealous of you though… ha ha! I know I will be soon enough but mostly I kept thinking about all those lasts. Thinking about how they are all slipping right past me un-noticed. Today I talked to my kids about them. We laughed and we remembered. Thank you for that.
 
 
This is my point. Every one of you had such different things to say. But somehow there is this tiny thin little thread that weaves all these stories together. That thread is motherhood. It’s one that stretches back in time and one that crosses continents. It brings us together in this life. It levels our playing field. It makes us one. I will be so proud to stand hand in hand with each of you telling our separate stories- but as ONE.
 
To all the rest of you reading this. Take note! I really can not stress enough this one point.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You have felt it before, there are things that you have gone thorough that you may have thought no one else had. But you’d be wrong. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. These women will show you what good company you’ve kept with out even knowing.
 
You are each so lovely and I am honored to share this with you. 




Beautiful photo above by the very talented Laura Seymour