Wednesday, May 15, 2013

The Groundhog Days of Our Lives- as read aloud at LTYM 2013 KC



     Once heard that the average toddler hears the word “no” over 200 times in one day. Yeah well, who do you think is saying it? Remember that movie with Bill Murray where he wakes up and keeps having the same day over and over? Of course you do, if you are a mother, it is the story of your life!

Here are just a few of the things I repeat daily;
“I don’t know where your (insert random object here) is. I was not the one who had it last.”
“Stop hitting your brother.”
“Stop picking your nose.”
“Hold my hand in the parking lot. Do you want to get hit by a car?”
“You have to taste it before you say you hate it.”
 “Your coat does not go one the floor.”
“Eat your dinner before you can have any candy.”
“NO! NO! NO!”
 “Stop sticking things in the outlets! While you’re at it stop sticking things in your nose too.”
 “That is not a toy.”
 “Please get down from there.”
“The word your looking for is WON’T not CAN’T. You CAN do it but you just won’t.”
“Poop, Butt, Fart, Turd and all poop related words are off limits!”
“Please be quiet.”
 “Apologize to your sister.”
“Stop hitting!”
 “Pick up your room.”
“You need a time out.”
“Get off of the ground this is a public restroom!”

And those are just the things I say to my husband.

No really… I could sing them like a deranged Christmas carol.
  
Three “Turn it downs.”
 Two “Start listenings.”
And a  “Do you have any sense?” 

  I say the same things day in and day out. At some point in time one would think they would get as tired of hearing them as I do of saying them. You would think they might just do what it is I was asking. Instead,  I speak and I think all they must hear is “WA WA WA WAH WA WAH.” At what point did I become Charlie Brown’s teacher? Do they think I like to sound like this?
     Honestly, it only contributes to my tired and listless appearance. The grey hairs are multiplying by the minute, the wrinkles invading.

 My youthful glow is slipping away like sands through the hour glass.

Sometimes it’s   ALL    sooooo    mundane.

It amazes me what actually excites me these days. A trip to the grocery store alone is a treat! Warm food is nice.. oh how I have missed warm food. A full chapter in a book read is great. OOOOO OOOOO how about shaving  both legs in the same shower? Yes... that’s a good one…
     Today is an excellent example; my six year old came home and put his coat on the hook instead of the ground.  I felt like a choir was signing hallelujah! My front room somehow seemed enlightened. The clouds in the sky suddenly parted and angels flitted about is little head. Had I actually finally been heard? I have only been saying, “Please don’t leave your coat on the ground,” for two years, three days, 16 hours, 23 minutes, and 15 seconds now.

Everyday it is the same thing. My own mother got mad at me the other day and said. “He’s only six. You don’t have to be so snipity with him.” Yes mom he’s only but he can play Vivaldi’s Four Seasons on the violin so I think picking up his coat should be a no brainer??
I mean after all this IS a simple little task that his mothers’ sanity may hinge upon right??

I guess it’s a question for the afterlife. Right up there with why the husband won’t actually look for something before coming to you and saying he can’t find it anywhere! Where did the other sock go, and what is the meaning of life?

It seems I remember that I wanted nothing more in my twenties than to be married and have kids. Used to wish upon a star in fact.  Oh! Wish I may wish I might have this wish I wish tonite….
“Oh please give me a handsome loving and devoted husband and lots of beautiful obedient babies?”
        And now I want nothing more than to be swept away in a leer jet to Paris. It is no wonder women get hooked on soap operas and romance novels. They need to escape from the mundane, these groundhog days of their lives.
I guess I somehow thought it would be different. Thought it would be more glamorous? Didn’t June Cleaver seem a little more happy?
I definitely thought it would be easier!
I completely thought there would be less POOP.

WHO KNEW ? there would be so many bodily fluids involved in this job called motherhood??

I sometimes wonder if it’s only me?
But don’t we all go to our friend’s houses and see that gleaming picture above their mantles (you know the one you all have it!-----, husband, wife, darling children, picket fence, family dog.) I have to remind myself here and now, that it’s only a frozen moment in time when for the one split second of that camera shutter all was right in that mommies  world. A brief hiccup in time where everyone was quiet and everything was still.
The   picture   perfect   family.
 But remember this folks… no one takes pictures at a funeral. By that I simply mean…We all want to remember the good, the beautiful, that perfect life looking back from the gleaming photo above your fireplace.

But sometimes that just isn’t REAL!
Not what LIFE is really like at all...

That smiling mommy on the mantle! She was probably having a groundhog day of her own. She had just wiped her son’s nose with his sister’s “back up panties” because that is all she could find in her purse, then she yelled through gritted teeth, “Smile for the camera. Stop hitting your sister. Quit picking your nose. Where did that stain come from, you’ve only had this shirt in for two minutes?” Her armpits were probably sweat stained, her hair probably glued in place, someone probably has to use the potty, the kids probably had to be threatened within inches of their little lives-

And oh and by the way her husband just farted.


 Amazing photo by Karen Ledford