Once heard that the average toddler hears
the word “no” over 200 times in one day. Yeah well, who do you think is saying
it? Remember that movie with Bill Murray where he wakes up and keeps having the
same day over and over? Of course you do, if you are a mother, it is the story
of your life!
Here are just a few of the
things I repeat daily;
“I don’t know where your
(insert random object here) is. I was not the one who had it last.”
“Stop hitting your brother.”
“Stop picking your nose.”
“Hold my hand in the parking
lot. Do you want to get hit by a car?”
“You have to taste it before
you say you hate it.”
“Your coat does not go one the floor.”
“Eat your dinner before you
can have any candy.”
“NO! NO! NO!”
“Stop sticking things in the outlets! While
you’re at it stop sticking things in your nose too.”
“That is not a toy.”
“Please get down from there.”
“The word your looking for is
WON’T not CAN’T. You CAN do it but you just won’t.”
“Poop, Butt, Fart, Turd and
all poop related words are off limits!”
“Please be quiet.”
“Apologize to your sister.”
“Stop hitting!”
“Pick up your room.”
“You need a time out.”
“Get off of the ground this
is a public restroom!”
And those are just the things
I say to my husband.
No really… I could sing them
like a deranged Christmas carol.
Three “Turn it downs.”
Two “Start listenings.”
And a “Do you have any sense?”
I say
the same things day in and day out. At some point in time one would think they
would get as tired of hearing them as I do of saying them. You would think they
might just do what it is I was asking. Instead, I speak and I think all they must hear is “WA
WA WA WAH WA WAH.” At what point did I become Charlie Brown’s teacher? Do they
think I like to sound like this?
Honestly, it only contributes to my tired
and listless appearance. The grey hairs are multiplying by the minute, the
wrinkles invading.
My youthful glow is slipping away like sands
through the hour glass.
Sometimes it’s ALL
sooooo mundane.
It amazes me what actually
excites me these days. A trip to the grocery store alone is a treat! Warm food
is nice.. oh how I have missed warm food. A full chapter in a book read is
great. OOOOO OOOOO how about shaving both legs in the same shower? Yes... that’s a
good one…
Today is an excellent example; my six year
old came home and put his coat on the hook instead of the ground. I felt like a choir was signing hallelujah!
My front room somehow seemed enlightened. The clouds in the sky suddenly parted
and angels flitted about is little head. Had I actually finally been heard? I
have only been saying, “Please don’t leave your coat on the ground,” for two
years, three days, 16 hours, 23 minutes, and 15 seconds now.
Everyday it is the same
thing. My own mother got mad at me the other day and said. “He’s only six. You
don’t have to be so snipity with him.” Yes mom he’s only but he can play
Vivaldi’s Four Seasons on the violin so I think picking up his coat should be a
no brainer??
I mean after all this IS a
simple little task that his mothers’ sanity may hinge upon right??
I guess it’s a question for
the afterlife. Right up there with why the husband won’t actually look for
something before coming to you and saying he can’t find it anywhere! Where did
the other sock go, and what is the meaning of life?
It seems I remember that I
wanted nothing more in my twenties than to be married and have kids. Used to
wish upon a star in fact. Oh! Wish I may
wish I might have this wish I wish tonite….
“Oh please give me a handsome
loving and devoted husband and lots of beautiful obedient babies?”
And now I want nothing more than to be
swept away in a leer jet to Paris. It is no wonder women get hooked on soap
operas and romance novels. They need to escape from the mundane, these
groundhog days of their lives.
I guess I somehow thought it
would be different. Thought it would be more glamorous? Didn’t June Cleaver
seem a little more happy?
I definitely thought it would
be easier!
I completely thought there
would be less POOP.
WHO KNEW ? there would be so
many bodily fluids involved in this job called motherhood??
I sometimes wonder if it’s
only me?
But don’t we all go to our friend’s
houses and see that gleaming picture above their mantles (you know the one you
all have it!-----, husband, wife, darling children, picket fence, family dog.)
I have to remind myself here and now, that it’s only a frozen moment in time
when for the one split second of that camera shutter all was right in that
mommies world. A brief hiccup in time
where everyone was quiet and everything was still.
The picture perfect family.
But remember this folks… no one takes pictures
at a funeral. By that I simply mean…We all want to remember the good, the
beautiful, that perfect life looking back from the gleaming photo above your
fireplace.
But sometimes that just isn’t
REAL!
Not what LIFE is really like
at all...
That smiling mommy on the
mantle! She was probably having a groundhog day of her own. She had just wiped
her son’s nose with his sister’s “back up panties” because that is all she
could find in her purse, then she yelled through gritted teeth, “Smile for the
camera. Stop hitting your sister. Quit picking your nose. Where did that stain
come from, you’ve only had this shirt in for two minutes?” Her armpits were
probably sweat stained, her hair probably glued in place, someone probably has
to use the potty, the kids probably had to be threatened within inches of their
little lives-
And oh and by the way her
husband just farted.
Amazing photo by Karen Ledford
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