Wednesday, July 24, 2013

The summer of our contentment... uhhhh and why I have not posted in a while..

     Aside form the usual bullshit life has to offer (two vehicle replacements due to major repair, a leaking hot water heater, a new washing machine, and two cavities, and a stray cat caught in a tree all  in the span of a two month period) this has been truly one of the best summers I can remember. Don't laugh I am totally serious.
     If you know me you'd know I am all about gratitude on any given day. Aside from looking these problems square in the eye and saying, "Ehhhh you wont win," I have been truly HAPPY. I caught myself thinking it the other day and almost freaked. When was the last time I felt that. I felt "content"? That is the best word I can use to describe it. Not ecstatic, not joyous,  not elated- but content. Which to me is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY better. That word lends itself toward a peaceful calm happy that sort of washes over and coats your soul. Content is like floating.
     During the school year I allow myself to get so caught up, wrapped up in the kids lives. Their homework is my homework, their project is my project. I room parent in at least two rooms, team up to deliver at least one sometimes three art projects for the big school fundraiser, collect donations for the classroom baskets, attend every PA meeting, plan teacher gifts, plan things like field days and picnics and school halloween parties, coordinate snack schedules, make sack lunches everyday and drive to pick up and drop off each kid at their respective schools. I am on the Board of Directors at the school as well and we are currently in the middle of creating a three year strategic plan. I volunteer at Harvesters, and recently engaged in speaking at a live performance of "Listen to Your Mother." I blog, I tweet, Instagram, and FB galore. ( oh and I have a full time job did I mention? ) My husband says he never sees me. Which in all reality is pretty close to true. These three babies are my life and when I say that I mean it to my core. I make sure each and every aspect of their lives is as perfect as I can possibly make it. I'm that mom you hate. Oh except that I'm overweight and usually look like a haggard old mess, with a stain and a hole in my clothes somewhere.... so you hate me less than the skinny mom that rocks the makeup and hair to parent pick up.
     But this summer- boom- I decided to halt it all. I can't halt the Board of Directors things but they are minimal over the summer. Everything else has completely stopped. I decided on day one to simply ask my kids what they think would be fun to do for the summer. Not the token "Summer Bucket List" I've heard tossed around. Just a simple what do you all want to do today? Not here is what we are doing but what do YOU think would be fun? Mostly I found what they said -SHOCKING- "Sleep in and cuddle you mom." Finn even said in his little guy voice.. "I wish dad did not have a job so he could be with us all day too." So that is what we have done. No running, no appointments, no early to bed and rise, no schedules, no yelling, tyrant me who needs to be somewhere at a certain time with a thousand things in tow. Ahhhhh. it's nice. Just us. Just to be a family. Why did I think all that other stuff was so important?
     So each day I am greeted with kisses instead of alarm clocks and cuddles instead of sack lunches and book bags. Now I know it can't always be this way. I know we have to go to school and be on time. I know we need to do homework and stay on task, but will my kids fall apart if I dont plan each of their holiday parties or bake something for each event, or spearhead the fund raising efforts? All of it pales in comparison to the freckled, sun kissed, very relaxed, adoring faces of my three babies. This is what contentment feels like. Home, love, calm, peace, and my babies in my arms.

 We are floating.