I was up late (AGAIN) last night. This time I was catching up on Walking Dead, when it hit me. It seemed a plethora of pharmaceutical ads came on and I always laugh about their disclaimers. But this time it struck me as not only funny but fitting that Motherhood should come with these very same disclaimers. They should be as follows:
You may experience restlessness due to the lack of sleep you will be getting. Abnormal dreams may occur in some instances, especially if the things you have borne witness to through out the day were particularly disturbing. Dry mouth and constipation, as you will most likely not have even one minute to yourselves to pee, poop, or even have a sip of water. And if you do perchance have a cup somewhere with a beverage in it, most likely someone has either consumed it all for you or backwashed in it. You may experience moments of lack of focus and dizziness as you will mostly be running in fifty directions trying to get all done that needs to be done before sunset. Chronic trouble sleeping as you – well- you will not even have time. Excessive sweating from all the crazy bullshit thrown your way by work, school, children, and your spouse. Weight loss because you don’t have time to eat or MORE LIKELY weight gain because all you do have time for is an energy drink and whatever unhealthy quick thing you can shove in your mouth while doing laundry. You may experience heart pounding or feelings of nausea due to the extreme anxiety from the amount of work you must complete in a day. Headache and or rash do to the same crap I listed above. In rare cases (meaning not at all that rare) you may also experience hives, high blood pressure, blurred vision, ringing in the ears, problems with your period, joint pain, muscle pain, neck pain, back pain, stomach pain, elbow pain, and feet pain, feelings of weakness, nervousness, or throwing up. You may be easily angered or annoyed, (Duh!) and you may also experience a complete lack of interest in sexual intercourse.
Yes, that about covers it.
(These side effects were taken directly from the list of side effects of Wellbutrin. Is that ironic or is that just plan hysterical???)
And that folks is your daily dose of irreverence – carry on.