Thursday, August 23, 2012
" SHE"S ALIVE!!!"
Wow, Forgive me father, it has now been two years since my last confession... oops.. wrong place and time. It has been two years since I wrote to you last. That is not an hiatus, that is a missing persons report. Is she dead or alive?
So what have I been doing with myself? Hmmmm... As usual I have immersed myself in my children's lives. I have planned school parties, done fundraisers, hell I am even so crazed that I have gotten myself elected to the Board of Directors at their school. Committed to them and should be committed to an asylum. That's my life in a nutshell. But I have been thinking so much lately with Char in third grade, Jude in first, and Finn to join the ranks not too far off... What will I do with myself when they are all in school and busy with their own lives? As I had discussed in previous blogs it's time to raise the dead! It's time to come out of my hibernation and start to be ME again and not just MOM. Oh and yes, I absolutely know that you can relate. We all do it at some point in time as women, and we do it for how ever long it takes. I've even seen some do it for so long the damage is permanent. Not this ME. Nope this me is taking back the reigns of this crazy horse. A mad scientist on a mission to revive. I recently regained an old friendship. Love ya Facebook! We had lost touch because as lives happen and in a world back then of no email, computers, facebook, or cell phones ( yes bitches I AM that OLD). She moved away, I moved away, and there you have it. No more or less. But I have found her and she has reminded me of the ME I once was. I always feel the need to insert the disclaimer here that I do not regret any loss of myself so that I could be with my kids. I am even writing this damn entry with Finn on my lap with naked buns since he is still potty training! ha ha ha, and a load of laundry spinning in the background. ...But I do want to make sure I am moving forward and yet a little back- to ME in the process. So thanks "D" for reminding me I'm ME and that I was a great ME and will be an even better ME in the years to come.
So back the the beginning. I started writing this Blog so far back and I named it "I blame Enjolie" because that stupid commercial and song always rings in my head when I have fifty things going. "I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget your a man.. cause I'm a WOMAN.." I blame you Enjolie... For making us all think we needed to be that woman. To do it all and smell nice and look so good while doing it not a feathered hair out of place. IMPOSSIBLE. But I also blame me for buying into it. I'm suspect number one in my own homicide. I spent so many of my early years of marriage and motherhood trying to live up to that commercial image. Something I am not, something maybe even unattainable? I'm the queen of my own little proverbs. One of them is, "No one can do it all and do it well." People always ask me, "Oh my gosh how do you do it?" If I am being honest the answer is, "I'm not doing it.. it's an illusion." Every "perfect" mother and wife you know has at least one dirty little secret she keeps hidden so well. She looks great, her kids look great, she has a clean car but dont look now, she cant cook-all her meals are eaten out or ordered in! She looks good her kids look great, they are always on time but her car is a pigsty! In my case, my kids look good, my house is clean, my kids are happy and I'm always volunteering and still working from home a 40 hour a week job but man dont look in a mirror because my appearance is atrocious. We cant do it all. There has to be some area of our lives that is over looked or else we'd be bionic. I recently took a side job cleaning a woman's house. Man she is super cute, ridiculously kind, kids are smart and cute, she speaks like 5 languages, is a lawyer, and lives in an insanely gorgeous house, hot husband, and perfect dog. I was pleasantly surprised to see that she was behind on laundry, hires a cleaning lady, and has little piles all around the house of things that need to be done. She seems perfect but she is me... I am her. We are one in the same. We are human. Not bionic. She wasn't perfect she was normal. (Sigh) She was normal. Say it with me now- SHE WAS NORMAL! I am normal. So shattering my perceptions of what being a perfect mother and wife are have now allowed me to start to rebuild my image of what LESLIE is, not perfect just LESLIE. And since I'm in the process of rediscovering/ reinventing/ reanimating her why not do it the way I've always wanted? Not just be as good as the old me but better. I have this opportunity to sort of Frankenstein myself. Take all the good parts of the old, sew them together with all the dreams of the better me, and zap them with some serious electricity and see if she wakes up new and improved, yet with the knowledge that she's not perfect, never will be and doesn't care if others think she is or isn't
. Yes folks... "SHE"S ALIVE"
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
The Tool
Ok so I haven’t written in a while... I really wanted to get back to talking more about “The Happiness Project” but some interesting things have happened today. In fact up to this very minute in time that draw my attention elsewhere… I was starting to wonder if my blogging and talking about my frustrations was only adding to them instead of somehow in a way ‘coping’ with them. I am still wondering that in fact. Am I only exacerbating the problem by adding angry energy to it? Maybe on the one hand but on the other I am left to ask, “How do I get this angry energy out of me and how do I work through it?” Does getting together with my friends and complaining about our husbands solve anything or does it only make matters worse???? I still have no answer but the bottom-line is that at the end of the day, at the end of my complaining… I FEEL BETTER….ME… I start to feel somehow validated and somehow BETTER. It is some kind of tool with which I get at least some need met. Which brings me to my title for this blog, “The Tool.” This tool is both very very literal and somewhat metaphorical.
Men always get their needs met. Men will not stand for one second if something is not the way that they envisioned it or wanted it to be and they will either make the necessary changes or insist that YOU make the changes. For example my husband …in an earlier blog I mentioned that he “insisted I not fix chicken any more” This is the kind of thing I am talking about. If they want to watch a sport then they will, eat steak then they will, go fishing then they will….. You name it and they will make sure it gets done and done how they want it done. Their needs met. I haven’t eaten mushrooms on my food in like nearly a decade because my husband does not like them. Did I stop liking them? No, I just stopped eating them because he doesn’t like them. I love singing at the top of my lungs. My music, the kind I like, yet I haven’t done that in a long long time because we have different taste in music. He hates what I like. Did my tastes change? No, I just shelved them because he complained if he had to listen to my music even for one minute. They even cum first… and sometimes they are the only ones who do. Do they feel even remotely bad that they are finished and you are not? NOPE. They get their needs met. The Tool… I am left to wonder if it has something to do with the Tool? I am of course at this point in time referring to the penis. There it is protruding from their bodies, even limp it still seems to have presence, to hang in a proud manner. Hard it really commands attention. It sticks out away from their bodies like a sword. And yes, go ahead and laugh because I am. At this point I am imagining a man with his hips thrust forward, hands on hips and penis armed. Almost getting ready to take on the world with his Tool… is that the main difference? Imagine us now… there we are with a hole… ours hidden inside and black and dark and almost afraid seeming, cowering. Not at all like the protruding meat sword ready to stab at it’s enemy.. Ok so I’m out there on this one, try to stay with me. Think for a minute about it. Is that penis the source of all their force? The source of their ability to get what they want in life. They are out there and pushing forward commanding attention and getting their needs met while and we are back here hiding and changing and morphing to fit them all the while our needs being over looked and shelved. We are losing ourselves.
I sometimes joke that there is no more Leslie. That Leslie died a long long time ago and that her dead and decomposing corpse is on the kitchen floor drawing flies and stinking up the place and you all just keep stepping over her. HA ha ha.. but really a more appropriate way to put it is that Leslie is hibernating. Have I crawled inside my own hole and am lying dormant? Have most of us done this? As women aren’t we sort of trained from birth to be the flexible ones, to go with the flow, to bend to the will, not to rock the boat? We are ingrained with this idea that our needs are secondary at best to those of our kids, and our husbands, bosses, mothers, fathers, etc.. the list goes on…
Just a quick for example.. Put yourself in this scenario. I am using this because it fits my life but I think it is most likely fairly universal. We all need to leave the house. We are going to dinner and the kids to a sitter. We have to bring a gift to the dinner. Let’s say there are three kids, a wife and a husband on their way to a birthday party of a friend of the husbands. To make it more interesting let’s say that the wife doesn’t even like the guy. Now that you are there in your head what is the husband doing? See it clearly… What is the wife doing? What are the kids’ doing? The husband is taking a shower. He is taking his time so he looks nice. He is getting out of the shower expecting that his wife will have picked out something appropriate for him to wear. He is putting it on. He is checking himself in the mirror. He is ready to go and heading to the door. His head is on the route they will drive to get there and what kind of food they will be serving as he is starving. Now the wife… She showered earlier as to leave her husband enough time to get ready. She is now running around trying to pack and overnight bag for three kids with every little creature comfort they might need. The blankies, the stuffed animals, sippy cups. Is there enough wipes in the bag? What if one of the kids gets cold? She is running around finding her shoes and throwing an outfit for her husband on the bed. She is getting him some clean socks that match from the dryer. She is thinking about whether or not the gift she got will be ok? She doesn’t even like the guy but is thinking about if his gift is acceptable. She is getting a diaper bag ready. Now she is finally able to look in the mirror at herself and shrug because even if she doesn’t look great there is just no more time to worry about it. The man did exactly what he needed to do to get himself ready to go. TO GET ONLY HIMSELF READY TO GO. The woman not only got herself ready but her husband, and three kids. She also packed a bag, and bought a thoughtful gift for his schmuck friend. She was the last on her totem pole and when there wasn’t really even enough time left for her, she just shrugged it off and moved on. This is how we live day to day, week to week, year to year. Even if you are married to the sweetest, most thoughtful helpful man in the universe he still puts himself first. Why do we not do this and does it all stem back to the stem? Really does having a penis make you more assertive? I’m tired and I have way more to say about this but I need time to mull it over. I keep thinking about getting a strap on just to see if it makes me feel different. I don’t even want one for any sexual purpose… I just want to know if somehow having it out there and pushing back at the world makes me feel somehow more empowered. Does having the right Tool for the job really make all the difference?
Men always get their needs met. Men will not stand for one second if something is not the way that they envisioned it or wanted it to be and they will either make the necessary changes or insist that YOU make the changes. For example my husband …in an earlier blog I mentioned that he “insisted I not fix chicken any more” This is the kind of thing I am talking about. If they want to watch a sport then they will, eat steak then they will, go fishing then they will….. You name it and they will make sure it gets done and done how they want it done. Their needs met. I haven’t eaten mushrooms on my food in like nearly a decade because my husband does not like them. Did I stop liking them? No, I just stopped eating them because he doesn’t like them. I love singing at the top of my lungs. My music, the kind I like, yet I haven’t done that in a long long time because we have different taste in music. He hates what I like. Did my tastes change? No, I just shelved them because he complained if he had to listen to my music even for one minute. They even cum first… and sometimes they are the only ones who do. Do they feel even remotely bad that they are finished and you are not? NOPE. They get their needs met. The Tool… I am left to wonder if it has something to do with the Tool? I am of course at this point in time referring to the penis. There it is protruding from their bodies, even limp it still seems to have presence, to hang in a proud manner. Hard it really commands attention. It sticks out away from their bodies like a sword. And yes, go ahead and laugh because I am. At this point I am imagining a man with his hips thrust forward, hands on hips and penis armed. Almost getting ready to take on the world with his Tool… is that the main difference? Imagine us now… there we are with a hole… ours hidden inside and black and dark and almost afraid seeming, cowering. Not at all like the protruding meat sword ready to stab at it’s enemy.. Ok so I’m out there on this one, try to stay with me. Think for a minute about it. Is that penis the source of all their force? The source of their ability to get what they want in life. They are out there and pushing forward commanding attention and getting their needs met while and we are back here hiding and changing and morphing to fit them all the while our needs being over looked and shelved. We are losing ourselves.
I sometimes joke that there is no more Leslie. That Leslie died a long long time ago and that her dead and decomposing corpse is on the kitchen floor drawing flies and stinking up the place and you all just keep stepping over her. HA ha ha.. but really a more appropriate way to put it is that Leslie is hibernating. Have I crawled inside my own hole and am lying dormant? Have most of us done this? As women aren’t we sort of trained from birth to be the flexible ones, to go with the flow, to bend to the will, not to rock the boat? We are ingrained with this idea that our needs are secondary at best to those of our kids, and our husbands, bosses, mothers, fathers, etc.. the list goes on…
Just a quick for example.. Put yourself in this scenario. I am using this because it fits my life but I think it is most likely fairly universal. We all need to leave the house. We are going to dinner and the kids to a sitter. We have to bring a gift to the dinner. Let’s say there are three kids, a wife and a husband on their way to a birthday party of a friend of the husbands. To make it more interesting let’s say that the wife doesn’t even like the guy. Now that you are there in your head what is the husband doing? See it clearly… What is the wife doing? What are the kids’ doing? The husband is taking a shower. He is taking his time so he looks nice. He is getting out of the shower expecting that his wife will have picked out something appropriate for him to wear. He is putting it on. He is checking himself in the mirror. He is ready to go and heading to the door. His head is on the route they will drive to get there and what kind of food they will be serving as he is starving. Now the wife… She showered earlier as to leave her husband enough time to get ready. She is now running around trying to pack and overnight bag for three kids with every little creature comfort they might need. The blankies, the stuffed animals, sippy cups. Is there enough wipes in the bag? What if one of the kids gets cold? She is running around finding her shoes and throwing an outfit for her husband on the bed. She is getting him some clean socks that match from the dryer. She is thinking about whether or not the gift she got will be ok? She doesn’t even like the guy but is thinking about if his gift is acceptable. She is getting a diaper bag ready. Now she is finally able to look in the mirror at herself and shrug because even if she doesn’t look great there is just no more time to worry about it. The man did exactly what he needed to do to get himself ready to go. TO GET ONLY HIMSELF READY TO GO. The woman not only got herself ready but her husband, and three kids. She also packed a bag, and bought a thoughtful gift for his schmuck friend. She was the last on her totem pole and when there wasn’t really even enough time left for her, she just shrugged it off and moved on. This is how we live day to day, week to week, year to year. Even if you are married to the sweetest, most thoughtful helpful man in the universe he still puts himself first. Why do we not do this and does it all stem back to the stem? Really does having a penis make you more assertive? I’m tired and I have way more to say about this but I need time to mull it over. I keep thinking about getting a strap on just to see if it makes me feel different. I don’t even want one for any sexual purpose… I just want to know if somehow having it out there and pushing back at the world makes me feel somehow more empowered. Does having the right Tool for the job really make all the difference?
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Day two a the attmept to be happy
First of all I would like to reiterate that this is not my own original thought. "The Happiness Project" is a book written by a very awesome woman named Gretchen Rubin. I am only beginning to read the book and beginning to try some of her suggestions. I would like to point out, however that this is the perfect example of what I have been talking about. I am not alone in my thoughts or feelings here.. It is not just me and I am not crazy. There are thousands, maybe even millions of women out there that are in the same state. Wondering why we are looking at this life that we always dreamed we'd have, the kids, the house the station wagon (70's nod) and the handsome husband and why we aren't just happy. Instead we are desperately unhappy. It's a conundrum? The article about "The Happiness Project" was also in my Woman's day mag and I feel like Gretchen might be saving my life.. ha ha ha ha... sorry girl to put that weight on you but really just knowing that others like me, with the yearning are out there is like a life raft. So I started by creating my "personal commandments". Gretchen has 12 I came up with 17 for now and may pare it down later but I think I might need all 17 for now. Here they are.
17 New and Improved Personal Commandments
• Be Leslie
• LET IT GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• ACT the way you want to feel.
• Do it now.
• Be polite
• Turn off the Television
• Do at least 1 thing today that is just for you for at least 10 minutes.
• Identify the problem. And then kick its’ ass
• Remind yourself that failure is AS important as success.
• Sing out loud
• Enjoy the hugs from your kids.
• Have loving and meaningful touch with your handsome husband
• Do one thing each day to make yourself FEEL prettier
• Embrace Creativity
• Remind yourself “There is only love.”
• Touch one person today with a smile, a comment, a compliment, or a word.
• Set small and very easily attainable goals.
The last one is funny since I think all 17 might be a bit much and in Leslie fashion I always have to set the bar high and make it difficult for myself. A few I borrowed from Gretchen as they are good lessons for all of us, but most are pertinent to my life. The next thing I plan to do is sit down and make a list of 200 things that make me smile that make me happy. I had a book once that had like 2000 things in it and it included things like new white sock and the smell of a new born baby and such. It always did make me smile and I think it is also an important lesson to get back to the appreciation for the small details that go into making our happiness a regular occurrence. So in the past two days I have sung out loud and VERY loud to boot. I have slowed down when my babies hug me and closed my eyes and really felt their love and stayed in the moment instead of rushing onto the next thing. I have made a point to touch my husband and connect with him in the eyes and get close to his face. I have worn makeup and fixed my hair and put on perfume. I have looked for ways to build others spirits, and I have WRITTEN. Written, sewed and painted. But writing is so spiritual for me and I think might be the key to my golden gates. After yesterdays post this one might seem like night and day. Maybe from the outside it looks a bit manic. It's true, the ups and downs of this coaster are a bit much for me and that is why I am seeking this change. A friend who is a LCSW once told me she read in a text book a saying that went something like this.. the people who are the most depressed and suicidal are the people who are the most in touch with reality. My reality has left me feeling a bit insane. It's left in me a deep deep yearning for some kind of happier and better life. This happiness project is bringing me a small bit of peace that I desperately needed. Tomorrow I will tell you about another lady I am interested in reading with, Aidan Donnelley Rowley.. She was recently interviewed by Gretchen Rubin on the subject of happiness and some of her thoughts blew my mind. So good luck and good night.. oh and happy thoughts.....
17 New and Improved Personal Commandments
• Be Leslie
• LET IT GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• ACT the way you want to feel.
• Do it now.
• Be polite
• Turn off the Television
• Do at least 1 thing today that is just for you for at least 10 minutes.
• Identify the problem. And then kick its’ ass
• Remind yourself that failure is AS important as success.
• Sing out loud
• Enjoy the hugs from your kids.
• Have loving and meaningful touch with your handsome husband
• Do one thing each day to make yourself FEEL prettier
• Embrace Creativity
• Remind yourself “There is only love.”
• Touch one person today with a smile, a comment, a compliment, or a word.
• Set small and very easily attainable goals.
The last one is funny since I think all 17 might be a bit much and in Leslie fashion I always have to set the bar high and make it difficult for myself. A few I borrowed from Gretchen as they are good lessons for all of us, but most are pertinent to my life. The next thing I plan to do is sit down and make a list of 200 things that make me smile that make me happy. I had a book once that had like 2000 things in it and it included things like new white sock and the smell of a new born baby and such. It always did make me smile and I think it is also an important lesson to get back to the appreciation for the small details that go into making our happiness a regular occurrence. So in the past two days I have sung out loud and VERY loud to boot. I have slowed down when my babies hug me and closed my eyes and really felt their love and stayed in the moment instead of rushing onto the next thing. I have made a point to touch my husband and connect with him in the eyes and get close to his face. I have worn makeup and fixed my hair and put on perfume. I have looked for ways to build others spirits, and I have WRITTEN. Written, sewed and painted. But writing is so spiritual for me and I think might be the key to my golden gates. After yesterdays post this one might seem like night and day. Maybe from the outside it looks a bit manic. It's true, the ups and downs of this coaster are a bit much for me and that is why I am seeking this change. A friend who is a LCSW once told me she read in a text book a saying that went something like this.. the people who are the most depressed and suicidal are the people who are the most in touch with reality. My reality has left me feeling a bit insane. It's left in me a deep deep yearning for some kind of happier and better life. This happiness project is bringing me a small bit of peace that I desperately needed. Tomorrow I will tell you about another lady I am interested in reading with, Aidan Donnelley Rowley.. She was recently interviewed by Gretchen Rubin on the subject of happiness and some of her thoughts blew my mind. So good luck and good night.. oh and happy thoughts.....
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Day one of attempt at happiness....
So yesterday was a gathering and sorting kind of day to read and re-read all the information on where to start and how to attack this thing. I still don't feel completely settled about it or organized. I have been reading Randy Pausch's "Last Lecture" which is where this sort of started, that and the deep yearning to find the answers. Who better to go to to remind you how important life is than a dying person right? Great book. I highly recommend it for many reasons and even because it makes me feel like I myself CAN actually write a book someday. This book is short-ish and easy to read and follow. It's well organized and compact. All of which I can accomplish. Now finding something that others might want to hear is the next task. What can I say that people would pay to read? So but that is for another day or another BLOG. Back to what I am reading.. "The Last Lecture" and then as the universe likes to play random and totally amusing jokes on me, My Woman's Day magazine came in the mail yesterday. I ordered it for the recipes....he he he.. no more chicken right? But the entire months issue is like dedicated to happiness and to dads/husbands (oxymoronic I know). There is article after article on getting happy and getting what you want. That sort of brought me back to this thing that my mother says that I absolutely HATE HATE HATE. She says... "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" It makes me want to scream. I want to be both right and happy, why oh why can't it be both? I get the meaning of the saying I get it already. But why do WE the ladies always have to make the compromise? Men get to be both... ( well truthfully really they are almost never right but at least they THINK they are and they are almost always happy with themselves about it?) There was this one article in particular that illustrates my point to a "T". It's Called the Husband Whisperer, the article talks about nicer, more sweet, polite and kinder ways to get what you want done? Ways of rewarding him in a fashion he will find desirable in order to achieve your goals. It makes me feel like we are talking about a mentally handicapped five year old rather than a grown man. ( I know same diff right? ha ha ha) So this article says that when you for example want him to take out the trash be sure to say please and thank you and be sure to ask in a sweetish tone, it even goes so far as to say that you should go over and touch his arm or check when asking because men respond better to sweetness and touch. It says that instead of like the fourth or fifth time you ask screaming, "Take out the f-ing trash you jerk!" you should sweetly kiss him and say, "Would you mind please doing that for me now, it's just so heavy I don't know if I can carry it out myself." That you should pretend to be too weak to do it yourself??????? ( please note that I am paraphrasing said article) and also note that my kettle is screaming right now. My happiness meter is sinking and I'm going to the bad place..... ahhhhh... no one asks me nicely to make dinner or to do the laundry. They just complain about not having clean socks until half my brain is eaten away and I am left in shambles....and WHY WHY WHY would I ever "pretend" to be a weak woman??? This bring me back to the whole bionic woman thing...the whole woman's lib and 70's sexual revolution thing "I Blame Enjoli!". We fought to get here and frankly the fact of the matter is that in my humble but honest opinion women ARE intellectually superior to men. Oh no there I said it. If my husband reads this I'm gonna be in trouble for sure but hell I just don't care anymore. It's just true even if it makes people mad. We are more cunning, more sly, more vicious, more clever, more enlightened, more imaginative, more conniving, more intelligent and more organized at the delivery of said intelligence. AND THAT IS MY FRIENDS THE HEART OF WHY I AM ANGRY. Pretending that MEN are better or smarter and allowing men to get paid more, or having more a respectable position than me at work or pretending that their job is more important or more worthwhile than mine. I run this house, raise these kids, juggle these activities, pay these bills, and do these chores all while I work 30 hours a week to boot and all you do is work one 40 hour a week job, come home and clock out? And now I have to ask you nicely sweetly and with a loving touch five times to take out the trash? SAY WHAT??? Do you want to be right or happy? Hell I think I'm gonna have to go with right on this one? I refuse. I refuse to perpetuate the helpless woman persona. If not for me than for my daughter. If not for me than for my son. I want him to grow up not expecting to be asked nicely but to know I'm gonna kick his hinney if it's not done the first time around. the article even goes on to suggest that when something is done the way you'd like that you should then reward him with something of his liking in the bedroom. I know why not fruit snack or a dog treat? Really Really a reward for just pitching in and doing your part not even going above and beyond but just doing simple and menial tasks that you should just do anyhow WITHOUT being asked? But OK so I'll play along? What do you suggest? Maybe a blow job... lets talk about the blow job.. who is that for exactly? Do I get enjoyment from it? Is that favor often returned? My back,my knees, my neck , my lips, and my jaw are hurting but I should just keep at it until you are finished or ready for other avenues? I sometimes like it and it's sometimes a fun part of an evening but as a reward? NOPE NOPE NOPE.. now I just resent you the entire time I'm down there I am thinking of how much I hate you and MYSELF for doing this just because you took out the trash! I'm actually contemplating what it would be like to just bite it off and spit it at you, put it in the trash and ask you to take it out! Trust me you do not want me down there in that kind of mood. If I was just doing it becasue we were in the mood and having fun then fine OK great but as a reward? UUUUHHHH no no no...and even sex... I like most women I know take longer to orgasm. So I've decided I am going to try something new. I am going to get myself almost to orgasm then come to my husband get on and go for a few minutes and then when I am finished very quickly and he is not done yet I am going to get off and kiss him and say thanks and go to sleep (laughing to myself) and leave him there with his woodrow wondering what the hell just happened? What he does that to me?.. And come on you know it happens to you too much to ignore and too much for it not to bother you just a little? I'm going to do this at least three times and see what the outcome is. Will he get it? Will his behavior change? I'm not sure but I will mostly have proved I am right and voila I will also be happy.... So back to day one of the attempt at happiness.... it's not going so well but I have plans, BIG PLANS.... (evil laugh) bawaaaaha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Ahhhh I'm back...
I have been gone for quite some time...busy with kids and just contemplating. I love to write. It makes me feel......something, something resembling happiness. It makes me feel a little bit of greatness also. I need to feel greatness right now. I was re-reading my post and man I am ANGRY. I was sitting with a friend today and that was the topic of our conversation. Why am I a middle aged white woman with middle income and middle life so hugely PISSED? Well, clearly all the things I have outlined in my prior posts will explain the anger issue but who doesn't have problems right? I think through some serious thought today that the reason I find that I am most angry is that I am denying my own self HAPPINESS. I have no time for it I have no room on my schedule for it and frankly if you asked me today what would make me happy I don't even think I could come up with an answer for you. THAT IS PATHETIC. And also as a side note no ones fault by MINE. So today, here and now I vow to get HAPPY. Search for it , find it, and smother it with affection. I'm going to get happy if it kills me. I have been spending so much of my time and jeez like the past 10 years making others happy and not leaving anything for me. So little by little I will conquer happiness. Funny that I would word it as if it's a war... and well it is in my opinion. A war on sadness, mundanaity, anger, aggression. A fight to the death for my own happiness and funny that the only enemy I have is myself. So look out self and prepare for the ass kicking of a lifetime. Happiness is on it's way... I think I might feel it creeping up a bit now... see you soon.
Monday, August 3, 2009
John and Kate Plus 8
I just have to make some comments about this situation. I hate myself for doing it because everyone is these days but I have a few observations that I really have to share. It relates to the whole thing I have been saying about our roles not being equal. I want to start by saying that I never really watched this show. I have three kids of my own and I do not need to turn on the TV to see how hard that life is because I am living it. That would not be what I call entertaining. I have only come to know of the show and it's characters because they are plastered all over my television, my newsstands, my radio, and my grocery line check out. It's all I hear talk about on play dates even. So I listened a few times and then I Googled a few things about them. Here is what I am hearing. "That Kate Gosselin is such a horrible mother who put her kids in jeopardy. She is using them to make a buck, they are being exploited. She is a tyrant who yells like a drill Sargent. She is a Nazi at home, a slave driver to her husband and kids. Her kids should be taken away and it's really no wonder her husband cheated on her the way she speaks to him." Does that about sum it up? Does that all sound pretty accurate?
I am amazed, but mostly I am just LIVID. I just talked about this in the last blog. Why are we so quick to criticize the woman. Why do we call a strong and assertive woman a bitch or a nag? Why are we saying that it is not a wonder that her poor husband cheated on her since she was just so mean to him? One magazine story wrote this, "Kate's fame is taking her away from the family so much, and of whatever resentment Jon might have about that (or about the way she constantly belittles him on camera), is killing their marriage. He as much as said he wished he didn't have to do the show anymore." All I can hear is Poor Poor Poor Jon. Those poor little kids. Oh what an awful woman. I could just scream. I'll tell you what is killing their marriage and that is a cheating husband. I have since watched a few episodes. What a joke. This woman has 8 kids! EIGHT people! I only have three and I am a drill Sargent, a Nazi, and a screaming lunatic on a daily basis. Not to be overly dramatic but if you aren't those eight kids will literally claim anarchy and take over the house. It's true and any woman with more than one kid know this. You must run a tight ship, you must keep order, you must be a disciplinarian and you must stay on point. If you do not they will run you over like an Amtrak! With 8 I can see how things would be constantly on the verge of ciaos. You must be tough. It's just the facts. i never yelled before I had kids and now I am yelling every three minutes. Poor kids my big ole butt! They have the best clothes, the best toys, anything their hearts desire. They go on great trips, their college education is assured as is most any venture they wish to pursue. Big deal she spanked one of them. That is her business and frankly you and I will not ever know but most likely they deserved a swat! I can tell you this. Crazy doesn't not stay buried and if she were in some way really abusing those kids the cameras rolling 24-7 would have picked up on more of it a long time ago. Those kids have a great life, and you know what else... they genuinely seem happy. Watch them interact. If they were angry, frustrated, or abused cameras would have picked that up too. You can not hide that type of dysfunction. Those kids are in a great place. I have watched a few episodes of the newer version with the split in place and Kate seems to be in a good place too. She has eight of them all working together to cause drama. EIGHT! That crazy religious family the Dougers have 18, but the difference is that their oldest is like 19 so as the older ones grow they too can help with the daily chores and routines. The older kids become a part of the process and not a part of the work. Kate has eight all very young children that all need to be told what to do, all eight who need help in decision making. And the the icing on the cake is that she has husband who from what I can tell is just deedling through life. deedle dee doo doo doo. This is a diamond earring wearing, Ed Hardy pimping, spiked hair covering his bald spot dufus. I watched one episode where he just took a few of the kids, not even all 8, out in the back yard for a walk and it ended with one of them in the emergency room with stitches. She can count on him for a whole lot of nothing. It's really no wonder to me that she is "belittling " to him since he has the brain of a moron. She has to dumb everything down just so he can keep up. So what if she is harsh, so what if she is a bit brash. Those same qualities in a man would have made him the CEO of some big company not a bitch or a nag. Besides this man she speaks down to is an idiot. That should be obvious to anyone. When he is caught out with some trampy 20 something year who has a face book page full of pot smoking and lesbian photos what other assumption can one draw. You are a grown up Jon! Act like one! You have 8 kids, you are not a frat boy! Lay of the beer bong and pick up a book to read to your kids. He does not even have a job. If he had even one grain of intelligence he'd have kept an affair quiet and not had one with a woman who is barley out of her teens or better yet, thought of his kids and not had one at all. I saw him in the grocery store on the cover of In Touch Magazine. and the cover screamed.."I Am Tired of Being Blamed." I seriously laughed out loud. OK so who's fault is it that you cheated on your wife and kids? NO ONES! YOURS! Watch one of these shows... it's painful to see him just hanging out. I wanted to scream at him several times myself. DO SOMETHING!!!
Kate Gosselin has 8 kids, a moron for a husband, and is supporting (almost solely) her family with her books and with this television show. If she were a man we would be calling her a saint. We'd be saying what a hard worker she is. We'd be complementing her on her organization and her ability to handle all of this. We would be saying how horrible a wife she has for going out on her behind her back. We would be wondering why her spouse wasn't doing more to support her hard working and bread winning husband. We'd be singing her praises. Why is it that we always demonize the woman? Is it Eve again? Oh what a world it would be if she'd never eaten the damned apple. It is not belittling someone to basically say, "Duh! Help the F@&# out dude?" It just is what it is. It's obvious what needs to be done day in and day out but this guy needs to be told constantly to pull his head out of his butt, and somehow she is the bad guy for saying it? Man it makes me mad. Why as a society do we do this? I see it all the time, everywhere. Another ridiculous show, 16 and pregnant on MTV. The girl is there and looking at the camera after her boyfriend and father of her child has just returned home. He was gone after the baby was born for a few weeks. He explains to the camera that the just needed some time to sort thorough this all and to think about the situation and his life and where he was going. The silly girl says something about how she supports him and that she understands he has a lot to think about and how hard it must have been for him. WHAT???? What would we do if it was her that had walked away from the baby for a few weeks and left the kid with him to deal with? It's just not even an option. A woman walks away and she better never try to return or she better have an excuse like death or insanity. A woman would be deemed unfit as a mother. She would have been burned on the cross, set in front of the firing squad. NO ONE would have told her they understand that she needed some time to think. Her child would have already been taken away either by the state or by that boys parents for someone else to raise becasue she could not be counted on when the chips were down. Never would anyone have understood how hard this must have been for her and how she just needed some time to think about it all. The hippocracy astounds me. When will it end?
I say to Kate.. keep your head high. Your kids need you and it's obvious you will be the one to end up taking care of them. You do not need to listen to all the foolishness surrounding you and you are doing a great job. No one can know what you are going through, no one but you. And I say to society WHY? Why not hold the man just as accountable as the woman?
I am amazed, but mostly I am just LIVID. I just talked about this in the last blog. Why are we so quick to criticize the woman. Why do we call a strong and assertive woman a bitch or a nag? Why are we saying that it is not a wonder that her poor husband cheated on her since she was just so mean to him? One magazine story wrote this, "Kate's fame is taking her away from the family so much, and of whatever resentment Jon might have about that (or about the way she constantly belittles him on camera), is killing their marriage. He as much as said he wished he didn't have to do the show anymore." All I can hear is Poor Poor Poor Jon. Those poor little kids. Oh what an awful woman. I could just scream. I'll tell you what is killing their marriage and that is a cheating husband. I have since watched a few episodes. What a joke. This woman has 8 kids! EIGHT people! I only have three and I am a drill Sargent, a Nazi, and a screaming lunatic on a daily basis. Not to be overly dramatic but if you aren't those eight kids will literally claim anarchy and take over the house. It's true and any woman with more than one kid know this. You must run a tight ship, you must keep order, you must be a disciplinarian and you must stay on point. If you do not they will run you over like an Amtrak! With 8 I can see how things would be constantly on the verge of ciaos. You must be tough. It's just the facts. i never yelled before I had kids and now I am yelling every three minutes. Poor kids my big ole butt! They have the best clothes, the best toys, anything their hearts desire. They go on great trips, their college education is assured as is most any venture they wish to pursue. Big deal she spanked one of them. That is her business and frankly you and I will not ever know but most likely they deserved a swat! I can tell you this. Crazy doesn't not stay buried and if she were in some way really abusing those kids the cameras rolling 24-7 would have picked up on more of it a long time ago. Those kids have a great life, and you know what else... they genuinely seem happy. Watch them interact. If they were angry, frustrated, or abused cameras would have picked that up too. You can not hide that type of dysfunction. Those kids are in a great place. I have watched a few episodes of the newer version with the split in place and Kate seems to be in a good place too. She has eight of them all working together to cause drama. EIGHT! That crazy religious family the Dougers have 18, but the difference is that their oldest is like 19 so as the older ones grow they too can help with the daily chores and routines. The older kids become a part of the process and not a part of the work. Kate has eight all very young children that all need to be told what to do, all eight who need help in decision making. And the the icing on the cake is that she has husband who from what I can tell is just deedling through life. deedle dee doo doo doo. This is a diamond earring wearing, Ed Hardy pimping, spiked hair covering his bald spot dufus. I watched one episode where he just took a few of the kids, not even all 8, out in the back yard for a walk and it ended with one of them in the emergency room with stitches. She can count on him for a whole lot of nothing. It's really no wonder to me that she is "belittling " to him since he has the brain of a moron. She has to dumb everything down just so he can keep up. So what if she is harsh, so what if she is a bit brash. Those same qualities in a man would have made him the CEO of some big company not a bitch or a nag. Besides this man she speaks down to is an idiot. That should be obvious to anyone. When he is caught out with some trampy 20 something year who has a face book page full of pot smoking and lesbian photos what other assumption can one draw. You are a grown up Jon! Act like one! You have 8 kids, you are not a frat boy! Lay of the beer bong and pick up a book to read to your kids. He does not even have a job. If he had even one grain of intelligence he'd have kept an affair quiet and not had one with a woman who is barley out of her teens or better yet, thought of his kids and not had one at all. I saw him in the grocery store on the cover of In Touch Magazine. and the cover screamed.."I Am Tired of Being Blamed." I seriously laughed out loud. OK so who's fault is it that you cheated on your wife and kids? NO ONES! YOURS! Watch one of these shows... it's painful to see him just hanging out. I wanted to scream at him several times myself. DO SOMETHING!!!
Kate Gosselin has 8 kids, a moron for a husband, and is supporting (almost solely) her family with her books and with this television show. If she were a man we would be calling her a saint. We'd be saying what a hard worker she is. We'd be complementing her on her organization and her ability to handle all of this. We would be saying how horrible a wife she has for going out on her behind her back. We would be wondering why her spouse wasn't doing more to support her hard working and bread winning husband. We'd be singing her praises. Why is it that we always demonize the woman? Is it Eve again? Oh what a world it would be if she'd never eaten the damned apple. It is not belittling someone to basically say, "Duh! Help the F@&# out dude?" It just is what it is. It's obvious what needs to be done day in and day out but this guy needs to be told constantly to pull his head out of his butt, and somehow she is the bad guy for saying it? Man it makes me mad. Why as a society do we do this? I see it all the time, everywhere. Another ridiculous show, 16 and pregnant on MTV. The girl is there and looking at the camera after her boyfriend and father of her child has just returned home. He was gone after the baby was born for a few weeks. He explains to the camera that the just needed some time to sort thorough this all and to think about the situation and his life and where he was going. The silly girl says something about how she supports him and that she understands he has a lot to think about and how hard it must have been for him. WHAT???? What would we do if it was her that had walked away from the baby for a few weeks and left the kid with him to deal with? It's just not even an option. A woman walks away and she better never try to return or she better have an excuse like death or insanity. A woman would be deemed unfit as a mother. She would have been burned on the cross, set in front of the firing squad. NO ONE would have told her they understand that she needed some time to think. Her child would have already been taken away either by the state or by that boys parents for someone else to raise becasue she could not be counted on when the chips were down. Never would anyone have understood how hard this must have been for her and how she just needed some time to think about it all. The hippocracy astounds me. When will it end?
I say to Kate.. keep your head high. Your kids need you and it's obvious you will be the one to end up taking care of them. You do not need to listen to all the foolishness surrounding you and you are doing a great job. No one can know what you are going through, no one but you. And I say to society WHY? Why not hold the man just as accountable as the woman?
Sunday, August 2, 2009
I’D LIKE TO BUY A VOWEL PLEASE PAT.
I’D LIKE TO BUY A VOWEL PLEASE PAT.
Is there an “A” in the puzzle? My husband and I joke all the time with this Star Wars reference. “Only sith lords deal in ABSOLUTES.” “A” is for ABSOLUTES. No one ever is ALWAYS great or NEVER great. They are sometimes great and sometimes not so great. Lately my husband has been pretty great. The blog is really helping us. He reads and we discuss. He does not ALWAYS see things my way but that is really really good because my way is not ALWAYS right. His point of view on things has lead to some very stimulating conversations. The other night he said the most intelligent well thought out and interesting thing to me I have heard in a long time from anyone. He said that he marriages all figured out and that he had noticed that the biggest differences between men and women are that women are almost always wanting change and men almost never want anything to change. Wow.. light bulbs flashed like crazy in my mind. Incredible,I thought.. He gave examples. He said that he married me because he thought that he had finally met someone he loved entirely and that he did not want me to change one thing. Thought that he could live the rest of his life with me just the way I was the day we met. He said that he thought I married him thinking to myself that this guys defiantly got potential and that I could most likely change him into the guy I wanted him to become. What a revelation to me. It is so true. I did think that. I did think that he could be the one with a few minor adjustments. I never knew he did not want me to change. Strange because I have changed so much since that September day 8 years ago. I just spent the last two blog ranting about change and how important it is to me. Women want constant change. We need change. Heck we change our hair style and color; we change our friends, our clothes, our personal style, the clothes we wear, and our surroundings. i remember my mom re-arranging the front room furniture every like six months because she craved change so much. We are always looking up new recipes because we do not want to serve the same old thing for dinner. We are in a constant state of unrest and renewal. My husband on the other hand, like most men, would wear something until it had holes and withered away, his favorite shirt is like Swiss cheese. He has had the same hair cut since 1991. He’d eat Mexican food every night for dinner if I'd fix it, and he watches the same movies until he knows every line. He is constant and steady. So maybe the answer to all of this, all of this contention we wives have is to step outside ourselves and really examine things from their point of view. We know ours by heart but we really rarely get a glimpse of theirs. We think we know it but, what goes on in that head of theirs? Is Consistency better somehow than change? I do think there may be some points to the positive for staying the same.
But, that brings me to the next vowel. Can I get and “E” pat? “E” is for EXAMINATION. Examine their habits their rituals. Because, boy do we know that they have them. That 20 minute poop I talked about before is an everyday occurrence and chances are if your hubby is like mine it is clock work and even takes place at the same time everyday. Even their bodily functions are regulated. Examine what it is that makes them tick and what it is that they do with their time everyday. We need changes from them but they need consistency from us. Is there a way we can meet in the middle? Examine their lives and try to see where that help that you so desperately need could fit in and maybe gradually introduce this change. So gradually that it is slight and not upsetting to their ways of living. I am not saying run in while he’s in the middle of that 20 minute poop and introduce a Clorox wipe into his hands and tell him to multitask. "Wipe the bathroom counter while you are pooping honey will ya?" But I am saying maybe put your “honey do list” in the magazine rack next to the toilet so he’ll have some good reading material. Maybe have the trash bagged and sitting by the door so he can grab it while he is on his way out the door to work. Do that five days in a row and then move the trash closer to the kitchen each time until he is just taking it out all by himself. Maybe next time you do dishes ask him to come in and talk to you while you are doing them and hand him a towel to dry while he is just standing there anyway. Introduce the things you need him to help with a little at a time and make the change gradual and uncomplicated. If something just gradually becomes a way of life for them it will not be so upsetting and will not be a point of contention in your marriage. I know that I am sounding a little condescending right now but seriously thin about it. When daylight savings time hits and your kids no longer want to go to bed when it's still light outside don't you just gradually shave like an 15 minutes off the time they want to go to bed until you are where you want to be anyhow. Instead of going to bed a t 8 they want 9 so you give them 9 for like two nights then you move it to 8:45, then 8:30; then 8:15 and before they know it they are going to bed at 8 again without a fuss. Same premise applies here. I will give a great example of this. My funny friend, the one I am always referring to when she was pregnant her husband had to take on the task of changing out the litter boxes for the cats. You know you can not do that when you are pregnant because of the wired toxoplasmosis thing right. So he started doing that job. Well, her youngest kid is now 4 and her husband is still doing that job. He just never stopped doing it after she had the baby. He made the change once and it just stuck and now it is part of his routine. I think that this will really work. I can’t believe I had not thought of this before. It really is important in life to step outside yourself now and again and really think about how another might view the situation and if you can actually get that other person’s point of view straight from their own mouth all the better. Straight from my own husbands mouth that men are resistant to change. So I am very happy I had that discussion with Rick. We can not run out and give them a whole new hubby makeover but we can institute little changes here and there small almost unnoticeable changes so that we can all live together more happily. That’s all we really want in the end anyhow. I said it before. We don’t want whole new husbands we just want a little change here and there.
Now for my last vowel of the day, can I get and “I” please pat? “I” is for “INTROSPECTION.” I have really been trying to do this a lot lately. I think this too is one of the most important things in life we can do. There are so many aspects of our selves. For example there is our self as we think we are, our self as we actually are, our self as others see us, and our self as we want others to see us. To reconcile all of these selves is a constant juggling act. But it is so important that we are trying to stay connected with these selves. Reviewing these selves if you will, in a marriage especially we need to think about them. This blog again is helping me with that. I am reviewing my imperfections and I think, I hope making some positive growth. I want to be the best wife I can be and more over the best mother I can be. I owe that to my family. This introspection is giving me such insight. I heard once that kids do not only learn what we tell them and teach them but they learn from just watching us and that often what they learn from that is more powerful than what we tell them. So I want to make sure what I am showing my daughter of myself is the woman I want her to become. I want to make sure the relationship I am showing my kids is the one I want them to have when they grow up. Mutual respect and admiration for one another. Loving discussion and not just heated debate.
Have fun with your ideas on the gradual changes. I’d love to hear about any success you may have. Tell me your litter box stories. Life is no game show but it doesn’t have to be a drama either. Why not shoot for a little comedy?
Is there an “A” in the puzzle? My husband and I joke all the time with this Star Wars reference. “Only sith lords deal in ABSOLUTES.” “A” is for ABSOLUTES. No one ever is ALWAYS great or NEVER great. They are sometimes great and sometimes not so great. Lately my husband has been pretty great. The blog is really helping us. He reads and we discuss. He does not ALWAYS see things my way but that is really really good because my way is not ALWAYS right. His point of view on things has lead to some very stimulating conversations. The other night he said the most intelligent well thought out and interesting thing to me I have heard in a long time from anyone. He said that he marriages all figured out and that he had noticed that the biggest differences between men and women are that women are almost always wanting change and men almost never want anything to change. Wow.. light bulbs flashed like crazy in my mind. Incredible,I thought.. He gave examples. He said that he married me because he thought that he had finally met someone he loved entirely and that he did not want me to change one thing. Thought that he could live the rest of his life with me just the way I was the day we met. He said that he thought I married him thinking to myself that this guys defiantly got potential and that I could most likely change him into the guy I wanted him to become. What a revelation to me. It is so true. I did think that. I did think that he could be the one with a few minor adjustments. I never knew he did not want me to change. Strange because I have changed so much since that September day 8 years ago. I just spent the last two blog ranting about change and how important it is to me. Women want constant change. We need change. Heck we change our hair style and color; we change our friends, our clothes, our personal style, the clothes we wear, and our surroundings. i remember my mom re-arranging the front room furniture every like six months because she craved change so much. We are always looking up new recipes because we do not want to serve the same old thing for dinner. We are in a constant state of unrest and renewal. My husband on the other hand, like most men, would wear something until it had holes and withered away, his favorite shirt is like Swiss cheese. He has had the same hair cut since 1991. He’d eat Mexican food every night for dinner if I'd fix it, and he watches the same movies until he knows every line. He is constant and steady. So maybe the answer to all of this, all of this contention we wives have is to step outside ourselves and really examine things from their point of view. We know ours by heart but we really rarely get a glimpse of theirs. We think we know it but, what goes on in that head of theirs? Is Consistency better somehow than change? I do think there may be some points to the positive for staying the same.
But, that brings me to the next vowel. Can I get and “E” pat? “E” is for EXAMINATION. Examine their habits their rituals. Because, boy do we know that they have them. That 20 minute poop I talked about before is an everyday occurrence and chances are if your hubby is like mine it is clock work and even takes place at the same time everyday. Even their bodily functions are regulated. Examine what it is that makes them tick and what it is that they do with their time everyday. We need changes from them but they need consistency from us. Is there a way we can meet in the middle? Examine their lives and try to see where that help that you so desperately need could fit in and maybe gradually introduce this change. So gradually that it is slight and not upsetting to their ways of living. I am not saying run in while he’s in the middle of that 20 minute poop and introduce a Clorox wipe into his hands and tell him to multitask. "Wipe the bathroom counter while you are pooping honey will ya?" But I am saying maybe put your “honey do list” in the magazine rack next to the toilet so he’ll have some good reading material. Maybe have the trash bagged and sitting by the door so he can grab it while he is on his way out the door to work. Do that five days in a row and then move the trash closer to the kitchen each time until he is just taking it out all by himself. Maybe next time you do dishes ask him to come in and talk to you while you are doing them and hand him a towel to dry while he is just standing there anyway. Introduce the things you need him to help with a little at a time and make the change gradual and uncomplicated. If something just gradually becomes a way of life for them it will not be so upsetting and will not be a point of contention in your marriage. I know that I am sounding a little condescending right now but seriously thin about it. When daylight savings time hits and your kids no longer want to go to bed when it's still light outside don't you just gradually shave like an 15 minutes off the time they want to go to bed until you are where you want to be anyhow. Instead of going to bed a t 8 they want 9 so you give them 9 for like two nights then you move it to 8:45, then 8:30; then 8:15 and before they know it they are going to bed at 8 again without a fuss. Same premise applies here. I will give a great example of this. My funny friend, the one I am always referring to when she was pregnant her husband had to take on the task of changing out the litter boxes for the cats. You know you can not do that when you are pregnant because of the wired toxoplasmosis thing right. So he started doing that job. Well, her youngest kid is now 4 and her husband is still doing that job. He just never stopped doing it after she had the baby. He made the change once and it just stuck and now it is part of his routine. I think that this will really work. I can’t believe I had not thought of this before. It really is important in life to step outside yourself now and again and really think about how another might view the situation and if you can actually get that other person’s point of view straight from their own mouth all the better. Straight from my own husbands mouth that men are resistant to change. So I am very happy I had that discussion with Rick. We can not run out and give them a whole new hubby makeover but we can institute little changes here and there small almost unnoticeable changes so that we can all live together more happily. That’s all we really want in the end anyhow. I said it before. We don’t want whole new husbands we just want a little change here and there.
Now for my last vowel of the day, can I get and “I” please pat? “I” is for “INTROSPECTION.” I have really been trying to do this a lot lately. I think this too is one of the most important things in life we can do. There are so many aspects of our selves. For example there is our self as we think we are, our self as we actually are, our self as others see us, and our self as we want others to see us. To reconcile all of these selves is a constant juggling act. But it is so important that we are trying to stay connected with these selves. Reviewing these selves if you will, in a marriage especially we need to think about them. This blog again is helping me with that. I am reviewing my imperfections and I think, I hope making some positive growth. I want to be the best wife I can be and more over the best mother I can be. I owe that to my family. This introspection is giving me such insight. I heard once that kids do not only learn what we tell them and teach them but they learn from just watching us and that often what they learn from that is more powerful than what we tell them. So I want to make sure what I am showing my daughter of myself is the woman I want her to become. I want to make sure the relationship I am showing my kids is the one I want them to have when they grow up. Mutual respect and admiration for one another. Loving discussion and not just heated debate.
Have fun with your ideas on the gradual changes. I’d love to hear about any success you may have. Tell me your litter box stories. Life is no game show but it doesn’t have to be a drama either. Why not shoot for a little comedy?
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